Lost and found chapter 2

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I wasn't cold like I usually am. Michael's left arm was under my neck, the front of his body pressed to my back his right arm over my chest and his right arm holding my shoulder. I could feel his lungs rising and falling and his breath warm on the back of my neck. He wasn't snoring but he was making a small sound, much softer than a snore but similar. It was comforting.

I could hear the wind hitting the windows and even though the heat was on it was obvious that it had gotten even colder outside. God I hate November! It used to be tolerable because of Thanksgiving but with the kids feeling the way they did even that had been ruined. Now it was just a cold, dreary month without even the charm of snow.

I gently pulled Michael's hand off of my shoulder and slid out of bed to go take a piss. I stopped at the thermostat and kicked it up a bit and closed the bathroom door so that the light wouldn't wake Michael. Geez, standing there peeing I realized that I missed him! He was twenty feet away and I missed him! It was a great fuck. When did getting fucked start feeling good? Part of it was that look that he got on his face. That, "is it okay, am I doing what you like" look. And he is a great kisser. Wonder where he learned that or if he's just a natural.

Oh God the boy! He won't be waking up in a warm house this morning. He's dead. No! Don't think about the boy! Later, you'll move heaven and earth but later! But not now, now you need to be with Michael. This guy could be the one and he needs you too.

Michael had rolled over onto his back. I lifted the covers and slid in next to him on my right side. I propped my head on my hand and looked down at him. He looked so peaceful and vulnerable. His brown hair was totally messed up and he was making little movements with his mouth. When my leg touched his he responded immediately and rolled toward me, kinda burying his face in my chest and wrapping his right arm over my hip. I bent my head and kissed his forehead, it was warm and dry. His hair smelled of shampoo. I wondered if he was a good lawyer. Probably was. Callin & Callin only hired the best.

Michael mumbled into my right nipple. "Whatsa time?"

I kissed him again. "It's okay Michael, it's only about five. When do you need to be at work?"

"Mmmmm, they'd like me to sleep at my desk." He held me tighter. "Wonderful last night."

I put my hand on his shoulder and bent to kiss his ear. "For me too." I smoothed his hair with my hand.

"You feel nice and warm." He said as he slid his right leg between my legs. "How did I go twenty-nine years without ever fucking anyone?" He raised his head and looked at me. "How fucking sick is that? How nuts do ya have to be to be afraid to make that total connection with someone?"

I bent down and kissed Michael again. "You're not sick. And for your first time out ya did a really great job."

Michael pulled my head down for another kiss. "We could get in a little more practice before work." He gently cupped my balls and then slowly moved his middle finger back towards my asshole.

Realizing that he was fully awake I laughed and pushed him over on his back. "Let's try a different way." I straddled his waist and bent down and kissed him again. "You'll like this and I got a feeling that I will too." Putting my hands behind my back I rolled a condom down Michael's cock and then lubed my butt. "Okay but remember don't get too carried away until I've had a chance to stretch. I positioned his cock at my asshole and slowly sank down on it while Michael was holding my balls and gently stroking my cock. The feeling was indescribable, even better than last night. As I sank down and his cock filled me and then passed over my prostate I almost shot my load. I put my hand over his to stop him from stroking my cock.

I took a deep breath. "Damn I wish I could explain how good it feels to have you in me."

"Feels pretty good for me too. It's like all hot, wet, tight and............total."

Michael was fucking slowly, steadily. I leaned down to kiss him and nuzzle his neck I kissed him lightly and then more deeply drawing the breath from his lungs. His cock felt like it was made of solid steel in my ass, he was totally, completely hard and his eyes were partially closed as he concentrated on fucking. He was slowly stroking my back as he fucked me, occasionally pulling me down for another kiss. All of the feelings that I was feeling were slowly beginning to concentrate on my cock and I knew that I could shoot at any time. Michael speed was increasing and I lifted myself up so that I was squatting over him rather than sitting on him, which allowed me to meet his upward thrusts. The first time I did it his eyes shot open and he made a little gasping sound.

I bent down so that my mouth was next to his ear. "Michael I want your cum in my ass. I want you to shoot your load inside of me. My ass is yours babe. Fuck it."

Michael gasped out a laugh. "You sure fuckin know what to say. Oh god I'm cumming! Oh fuck!" He was slamming his cock up into me and I started jerking off so that we'd cum about the same time.

"Man I'm shooting on your fucking chest!"

-------------------------------

Michael is left handed and when he shaves he bends over and supports his body on his right hand while he shaves with his left. I'm standing watching him shave, he looks so skinny and so hot, with his cute little butt sticking out and his more than ample cock swinging free.

He turns and looks at me. "What? What?"

I walked over and wrapped my arms around his waist pulling him back against me and kiss the side of his neck. "Looking at you standing there shaving, well, I just thought how right that looked and god, how fucking right you feel." Michael squirmed in my arms twisting his head to the side.

"Jeff, you realize you've got a naked lawyer in your arms? Your other lawyers are gonna be jealous."

I slapped him on the butt. "You finish shaving. I'll be right back." I went into my closet and brought back a suit. "Okay, try these pants." I was holding the pants down and in front of me so that he could step into them.

"You're really determined that I wear your clothes aren't you."

"Well this way you won't have to go home and I get to spend more time with you. Besides, all that shit is just going to waste." Michael gave me a look. "Okay! It's also kinda hot, the thought that you're wearing my clothes."

"I don't have underwear on."

I smiled. "That's even better."

Michael stepped in the pants and I gently scooped up his cock and balls and lowered them into the slacks. "Michael, they look fucking great! Shit they look better on you than they do on me. I'll get a shirt and tie. Oh and shoes too."

He looked fantastic. It was a Brioni suit in a soft Glen Plaid with a white shirt and deep green almost black tie. "Fuck you're handsome." I was still in my bathrobe and leaning against the wall.

Michael came over to me and holding my face in his hands, gently kissed me. "You think that I'm handsome?" He slowly shook his head and then pressed the side of his face to mine. "They see this suit the people at the office will think I've been embezzeling."

-------------------------

"Michael, I still want you to represent the boy. I want you to make sure the cops don't just forget about this and if you have to I want private detectives."

He turned and looked at me. "You sure?" I gave him a look. "Okay, okay. Let me play devil's advocate. First of all if you want a lawyer to represent the boy, it probably should be a criminal attorney. Don't look at me like that. Wanna do a merger or an acquisition, I'm your guy but the only thing that I know about stuff like this is text book stuff." Michael took a bite of toast. "Then there's the whole idea about whether you want to get involved in this at all. Look Jeff, Callin & Callin are your attorneys. A big part of that is taking the broad view of things and keeping you out of potential trouble."

"So I should just forget about this?" I knew that my voice was getting too loud and Michael got a weird look on his face. I pulled him to me and wrapped my arms around him. "I know, I know, devil's advocate." I kissed his forehead.

Michael's voice was very quiet, his chin was on my shoulder. "I probably shouldn't even be talking about this yet............. but what about us? What I mean is, that if, and I know you don't wanna make that commitment yet but if, we were to become, you know like boyfriends, I think we ought to keep our work lives as separate as possible."

Michael pulled his head back and looked at me with a look that was heart wrenching. "Jeff, you're this wealthy guy. I can't come even close to matching what you got and if I'm gonna keep any sense of self-worth I need to keep my job separate."

I knew that he was right. Not that I was going to abandon the boy, but if Michael and I did become boyfriends I could understand how he'd need the independence he spoke of.

I pulled Michael in for a deep kiss. "You're right. I still want the firm to represent the boy but I'll leave the choice of the lawyer up to you. As far as the boyfriend stuff goes, well, you're right about that too. But Michael, I'm like the most boring guy on earth. My idea of a good time is to stay home and have a nice meal, a little wine and cuddle with a handsome young attorney." Michael was smiling broadly. "We don't have to do anything that you feel uncomfortable with." I stroked the side of his face. "I won't push you Michael and I'll never put you into the position of feeling like a poor relation. Cause Michael, that just isn't how I think, so we can take this as slow as you want." I let go of him and poured myself another cup of coffee. "The other thing is how I interact with your firm now. You think I should tell Joe?" I was referring to Joe Callin the senior partner in the firm and the guy I always talked to. "You think we should tell him?"

Michael frowned in concentration. "Not yet, let's be sure ourselves of how we feel. Once we're sure of that then if we decide we want to be together then definitely yes we should tell him, and probably do it together."

He got a totally weird look on his face and then dropped his chin to his chest. "Oh fuck! Oh fuck I forgot!" He looked up at me.

"His name is Scott, or was." Michael pressed the balls of his hands into his eyes. "How could I forget that?" He looked up at me. "It was the only thing he said at the hospital before he died. The nurse kept asking him his name and he finally said Scott."

It was like somehow the body of the dead boy was being touched with a wand, a magical wand that imparted this missing bit of humanity, his name. I pictured it spreading across and through him, restoring, in some way, his status as a member of the human race.

I wrapped my arms around Michael and held him by his belt while I rested my face next to his. I said the name, "Scott......... Scott," as if testing it for authenticity. It felt right.

"Pick a good attorney.......someone who never quits...... a real bulldog."

-----------------------------------

Rosie brought me a cup of coffee. If I had asked her to bring me a cup she would have given me a fifteen minute lecture on how she wasn't a waitress, or a servant but my assistant and that she shouldn't be expected to wait on me and actually I agreed with her.
She brought me coffee when she wanted information, information best gathered in a heart to heart talk.

"So boss, whatcha think of Michael? You guys gonna see each other again? Ralph says he's skinny. He skinnier than you?"

I laughed. "Rosie, he's not skinny! Actually we're the same size. He wore one of my suits to work today." I glanced up at her quickly and she was rolling her eyes. She sat her ample butt back in the chair and smiled. I smiled too. "So he didn't have to go home and then to work. We could have more time together."

"He was a straight A student at University of Chicago, the boys smart. Course if he wears your suit to work he's got to return it, doesn't he?"

"You've been digging Rosie. Whatcha find out?"

"Well boss, I started to dig and then I figured that if Michael turns out to be the right guy for you that then maybe I shouldn't be invading his privacy. Ya understand? Like he might not be so cool with that. Anyway I figured you'd be doin plenty of diggin on your own if you understand my meaning."

I rested my chin on my hand. "You're right. Let's make him off limits. Besides he's been pretty open with me." I was thinking, as I had been all morning, of Michael's cock flopping back and forth in my suit pants.

"Okay Rosie, the real estate guy. What's happening?"

Rosie shifted her weight in the chair. "He wants $23,500 an acre and I told him we'd give em nineteen grand."

"You think he'll split the difference?"

"Boss, I ain't splittin no damn difference! Besides he's got nobody else gives a damn about that land."

"Rosie, how the hell do you know that?"

Rosie laughed uproariously her whole body shaking with it. She rubbed the tears out of her eyes. "Boss I gotta have some secrets." When she settled down. "Why you want that land so bad anyway? What you gonna do with it?"

I put my feet up on the corner of my desk. "I'm not sure. Maybe nothing. When my grandfather was alive, before I was born, they lived in Chicago and on the weekends he and my grandmother would drive out into the country. Well in those days if you drove fifty miles from the city you were in the middle of nowhere. So grandpa would drive till he found what he consider to be a good intersection, now in those days that would be two twolane highways crossing in the middle of farm land, and he'd buy all four corners if he could. Course it was the depression and just about everything was for sale. Well, you had to be patient but if you were willing to wait twenty years you had a tremendous return." I took my feet off of the desk and took a sip of coffee. "All that land we've got in Illinois we got just that way."

I thought of the way that Michael felt when I kissed him goodbye this morning, the muscles in his back as I wrapped my arms around him, how warm and sweet his breath was, the feeling of his cock pressing against my leg.

Rosie was holding a rolled up magazine to her mouth and speaking into it. "Earth to Mr. Palmer. Earth to Mr. Palmer." She was laughing. "You was thinking about him. Don't tell me you weren't! Oh boss, you might just as well roll over and play dead, cause that boy has got you." She was right.

-------------------

All of a sudden I was flooded with doubts. Maybe yesterday was just, well just an accident, two people coming together under totally weird circumstances, who just happened to connect. Maybe I was just a one night stand and he was already trying to think of the best way out of it. Maybe he was just too freaked by the differences in our financial situations and didn't want to bother with it.

At three o'clock I called his cell phone.

"Yeah?"

"Michael!"

"Oh god, Jeff! Wow it's been a fucking day!"

"Michael, are ya coming over tonight?"

"Yeah Jeff but I can't have dinner there. I've got a dinner meeting with Brian Caldwell. He's the guy I got ya to represent the boy, Scott." He hesitated a moment. "But afterwards, I thought that I would, I mean if you want me to, I thought I'd come over, about eight. Would that be okay?"

"Yeah Michael, that'd be great. Michael, pull your car over by the garage, the third door, it's empty. I mean it's really cold out you might as well pull in. Michael? You there?"

"Fuck I missed you today Jeff! Even as nuts as it's been around here today I keep thinking of what it was like waking up with you this morning. How warm you felt." Michael was silent for a moment. "Fuck Jeff, I gotta go! I'll see ya later baby."

"Bye babe."

--------------------------------

I pulled open the back door and Michael was standing there, the collar of his tan overcoat turned up against the cold, his breath visible.

"Come in, come in, Michael." I stepped aside and then took his overcoat when he took it off.

"Damn it's getting cold out there." We were kinda just looking at each other, both feeling uncertain.

Michael was looking a little shy and while I was feeling a bit the same way, I found my hand reaching out and taking the back of his neck and pulling him to me. It was almost in slow motion the way that his head tilted to the left and mine to the right and then our lips came together and then our hands were everywhere, touching, exploring, unzipping and then we were on the floor of the kitchen tearing our clothes off and never breaking the kiss, never wanting to separate for even an instant and then pulling everything out of a cabinet looking for cooking oil and then the sudden pain of penetration and finally he was inside of me, taking me again and still the kiss, still the feel of his tongue in my mouth and the sound of his balls as they slapped against my ass and then cum was everywhere, my chest, his chest, my ass, his face, and the Canola oil was spilt and we were laughing, laughing and exhausted. Two naked men lying on the kitchen floor in each others arms, clothes thrown into a pile in the corner by the refrigerator, laughing and telling each other that they loved each other. I did a quick cleanup of the kitchen floor and then took Michael by the hand and we walked naked to the bathroom.

In the shower I took Michael's face in my hands and held it inches from mine. "This day was perfect shit! All that I could fucking think of all day was you and did you feel about me like I feel about you and what the hell was I gonna do if you didn't. I want us to be a couple. I'll understand if you're nervous about moving in right away and if you need to keep parts of our work lives separate, but we need to be a us. Okay?"

The water from the shower was pouring down over both of us and running in sheets off of Michael's head. I started to laugh and pulled him out from under the shower. "I really don't wanna drown ya." He blinked several times and the green flecks in his eyes flashed.

Michael raised his arms and wrapped them around my back. He held me tightly and lightly rested his chin on my shoulder and then rubbed his face against mine.

When he spoke his voice was soft with an almost faraway quality to it. "I love you. I guess that in a way, I have for a long time." He continued rubbing his face against mine and then pulled his head back and kissed me, his eyes were closed and his head tilted to one side.
Finally he broke the kiss and put his chin on my shoulder again. Our bodies were pressed together, our cocks next to each other. He sighed and laid his head on my shoulder while he stroked my back slowly. "I'm afraid. It's a big step." He lifted his head and looked at me. "But I'm more afraid when I'm not with you. You're right, we need to be a us."

We turned off the shower and dried each other off. Then I grabbed a blanket from the closet and Michael and I laid down on the sofa in the living room, the fire was blazing in the fireplace, supplying the only light in the room. We laid together on the sofa wrapped in the blanket, talking softly and watching the flames.

My left leg was over Michael's left leg and I was half lying on top of him my face next to his. "You're happy with this Caldwell guy?" My mouth was inches from his and I kissed him lightly. Michael's left arm was around me and he was rubbing my back.

His hand came up and pulled my head down to his shoulder. "He's the best." Michael laughed. "Ya know, I don't think that I've ever seen him smile. That's a good sign in a criminal lawyer." He turned his head slightly and kissed my forehead. "He's also a stud!"

I lifted my head up and gave him a look. He pulled it back down and turned his head toward mine, when he spoke it was a whisper. "Don't worry, I'm a married man and sooooooo much in love."

I kissed his ear and then stuck my tongue in it. Michael twisted his head first away and then back towards me. "Holy fuck that feels good!"

"Nobody ever stuck their tongue in your ear?"

"Nope, never." Michael ran his fingers through my hair. "I never let em get that close." He pulled my face to his and kissed me hard and deep, exploring my mouth with his tongue. "But I want you to get close. I want you to be a part of me. I want us to start wondering where one of us ends and the other begins." He raised his head and turned to me. "Ya know what turned me on, what really turned me on? Yesterday when you woke up, well I guess you went to pee but later back in bed you ran your hand up my leg and squeezed my butt and then while you were talking to me you just kinda held my balls." He laid his head back down and kinda grinned at me. "I felt so yours, so much like we were, like you said, an us. I want us to be that way, to be able to touch each other, for us both to be a part of that, us." He turned and looked at me again. "Cause Jeff, I really need you to touch me when you want to, cause I don't want there to be any restraints, I want us to belong to each other totally."

The flickering light coming from the fireplace danced around the walls of the room, casting and dissolving shadows. My fathers portrait on the mantle was in shadows and I wondered briefly what he'd think to see his son in the arms of a man. I guess that when I really thought about it, I knew that he wouldn't care. He had been a kind of an outcast his whole life, at least in the sense of the business he chose to start and the way he lived. I don't ever recall him seeming to give a damn what people thought.

I laid my head on Michael's upper chest feeling the solidity of it. It felt so good to finally have someone to share the burden and Michael was strong. It wasn't a burden of work or poverty but a burden of the spirit and it had weighed so heavily on me for so long. I hadn't realized how hard it had been just being gay but now that I had someone to share that with I was beginning to understand what I had been going through.

I stuck my tongue out and licked Michael's nipple. "Oh fuck that feels good!" He put his hand behind my head and gently pressed it towards his nipple. "Oh god Jeff! Do it again."

I looked up at him. "You've got big nipples. Those are usually sensitive."

Michael covered his nipples with his hands. "Whadya mean they're big?

I smiled at him. "Not like a woman's nipples but, well, more pronounced than big. I love nipples like this." I pushed his fingers away and took another lick. Michael moaned. I held his left nipple between my lips and gently flicked the tip of it with my tongue. He began to twist and raise his chest as if the pleasure were almost too great to bear.

"Oh fuck Jeff, damn that feels good!"

I reached down and circled his balls and cock with my hand, he was rock hard. Michael looked up at me and smiled. "Any chance you'd like to get fucked again?"

I ran my left hand from Michael's cock up his abdomen, to his firm stomach and hard, hairy chest. I smiled down at him. "Ya know I'm gonna become addicted to this?" I swung my left leg over Michael's waist and positioned his cock at my ass. I lubed my butt with spit and then slowly moved down on his dick. My hands were on his shoulders and I was concentrating on dealing with the initial pain as I was being stretched.

Michael had a concerned look on his face. "Jeff, go slow, don't hurt yourself."

"I'm okay babe. I just need a second." The feeling of his cock entering me and then slowly moving up into me was beyond description. It wasn't only a physical feeling but a very emotional experience too, a feeling of possession that was both extraordinarily erotic but also very comforting.

Just as Michael's cock was hitting bottom he reached up and pulled my rock hard cock down and let it slap back up and hit my stomach. "Oh fuck Michael! I'm so close, so fucking close!" The top of his cock was exerting a lot of pressure against my prostate.

As soon as the moment passed I bent forward and kissed him. "Okay let's try this now."
I started rubbing and gently pulling Michael's nipples. The reaction was immediate, his head went flying back, his chest went up and his hips thrust forward. It felt like his dick was gonna come out of my mouth.

"Ohhh Jeff! Holy crap!" Then when he saw the look of pain on my face he rested his hands on my thighs and asked. "Babe, you okay? Those are hotwired directly to my cock. I probably shoulda warned ya."

"Guess I need to treat those a little more gently." Michael was still gently fucking me with very short strokes, almost as if his body was doing it by itself.

"Oh yeah Michael! Just like that, that's so fucking good!" My knees and legs were straddling his hips while I moved gently counter to his thrusts. I started raising myself up higher and moving down on his cock harder while I balanced myself with one hand on the back of the sofa. Each thrust was bringing us closer to cumming and I start to very slowly jerk my cock.

Michael reached forward and circled my balls with his right hand and gently played with them. "Oh fuck Michael. Ya got me so fucking close man! Yeah, play with those balls!" His thrusts were coming much faster and harder now, he was slamming up into me.

"Jeff, I'm gonna fucking cum! Fuck you got a sweet ass! Oh fucking yes, yes!" I could feel Michael shooting in my ass and it triggered my own orgasm.

My first shot almost hit Michael on the chin, the rest shot onto his chest.

--------------------------------------------

We were standing at the foot of our bed. I guess I really did now consider it our bed. Michael was kissing the side of my neck. His words were spoken softly, tenderly. "Jeff, you make me so happy. And no, it's not just the sex, you're bringing out feeling in me I didn't know I was capable of."

I pulled Michael slowly into bed and wrapped him around me his cock pressed against my ass, his right arm around my chest.

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Public Toilet Fairy

I looked through the hole in the door through the dim light at the heavy
set man at the urinal, pants down, half erect cock in hand, looking around.
I came out of my cubicle and tip toed, naked over to him and knelt at his
feet and leant over and licked the urinal wall just in front of his cock.
I felt my anus relax and my cock quiver rock hard.

I have been drawn to public toilets all my life. There was something about
them that from an early age galvanized me. Maybe it was the smell, maybe
that there were only men in there often with their pants down. The funny
thing is that I knew that I would find sex in public toilets even though no
one told me. I just turned up one day and it happened and I never looked
back and have never stopped. I am 52 now and still cruise new toilets all
the time. I especially like the toilets that are in isolated places in
parks.

I could go to saunas and back rooms, and I do sometimes, but I have a deep
urge to meet men and have dirty sex in public toilets.  In the eighties I
would often take speed and extasy and spend whole nights or even weekends
in public toilets. I would always wear a cock ring, and take a butt plug
and some porn with me and sit in a cubicle rocking back and forth waiting
for other toilets faggots to arrive. Sometimes I would come home without
having met anyone. Other times I would arrive home with my clothes and body
covered with dried piss and cum. The mixture of cum and piss is the taste
and smell I live for. I often drink from toilets and urinals after guys
have had a piss and rub the piss all over my body. Sometimes I walk around
shopping centers with the piss of many men on my body and clothes but no
one ever notices.

The heavy set man looked down at me and smiled. He understood completely.
He pointed his cock at my face and let out a full stream of piss over me,
on my face, my body and my butt and cock and balls. I felt deeply in
love. When he finished I put my face to the floor to lick up the pools of
piss on the floor, showing him my plug filled hole. He ripped the plug out,
pushed my head down into the urinal and fucked me deep and hard. When he
pulled out he made me lick my own shit off his shaft and then went back to
fucking me. This is what I had waited for all those days and nights. Sure I
had had plenty of wild sex, but this guy was perfect -- big chunky
buttocks, heavy balls, long thick cock, big chest and every bit as sleazy
as me. We did everything dedicated toilets fairies desire that night.

But I do not expect perfection every time. Just yesterday a man in his
seventies came into the toilet I was waiting in and we jut gently touched
each other's cocks for awhile. Two toilet fairies still at it after a
lifetime breathing the smell of stale piss, listening to dripping taps and
waiting for footsteps.

Friends in the Hockey Locker Room

It's around 7:00.  The hockey team crowds into the overheated, steamy
locker room overrun with the stench of unwashed hockey gear.  The room is
designed so the big communal shower was on one side and the single bathroom
stall and dual urinals are next to each other.  There are 6 of them in all,
Nick is nearest to the stalls on the opposite wall and Jacob is next to the
showers on the same bench as Nick.  Between them sits Henry.  Nick is still
in his goalie gear at this time, and is beginning to peel off his sticky
undershirt.  Nick is around 5'7", with shaggy dark hair and a serious face.
He has a skinny body and hairy strong powerful legs leading up to his
crotch.  Henry is faster, and his shirt has just came off, revealing a
white chest and surprisingly cute nipples, covered in sweat. Henry is about
an inch taller than Nick, with shorter hair and a similar skin tone..
Although his boxers were still fairly high up, you could see the beginnings
of a happy trail.  Jacob is lagging and talking to Henry a little bit, and
has just taken off his shoulder pads, but his arm muscles are visible;
smooth and toned.  His shaggy brown hair is wet with sweat and water from
the practice, and he is visibly exhausted.  The boys are just chatting, not
really looking at each other's bodies, yet.
 On the other side of the room, Brian, Spencer, and Josh are sitting
and far ahead of the other boys.  Brian is opposite Nick, and he is a
complete stunner.  Taller than the rest of the boys, around 5'11", he has
shaggy black hair and a strong, built body.  His skin is really white, but
his arms are bulging with muscles and just a bit of hair.  His pads are
almost off, and he is starting to rub his abs under his white t-shirt which
he then removes.  At this point, he is just wearing a pair of boxer briefs
which do a bad job containing his very impressive bulge.  Nick continues to
stare at Brian's thighs but doesn't say anything.  Next to Brian is
Spencer, who is softly airing out his loose boxers and wearing nothing
else.  Spencer is the tannest boy in the room and his shortly cropped hair
is drizzled with water that also runs down his chest.  Spencer is almost
5'10", and is desperately trying to escape his inferiority complex which
stems from him being very short at one time, and consequently
much...smaller....down there.  However, now he has filled out, and the
other boys realize that he has probably grown significantly since last
season.  Finally, Josh sits on the far end of the bench opposite Jacob.  He
is still wearing his under-armor and tight pants, although very little is
noticeable down by where a bulge should be.  Josh is a bit shy and is
eyeing Jacob from across the room as Jacob lowers his boxers a little to
rub his thighs.  Josh is tan and the cutest boy in the room, although he is
self-conscious.  He has size 12 shoes but doesn't want his friends to see
his penis because he has no idea if its big or not, and Nick likes to make
fun of him for it anyway.
 Henry and Spencer, both in overly loose boxers so that nothing can
really be seen, start discussing girls.  "No way Spencer, I totally got the
best head from Sara last night!"  Spencer adjusts his penis over his
boxers.  "Well Henry, you've never experienced a hot senior girl like
Nicole running her tongue over your dick now have you?"  Brian steps in and
says, "But Spencer, you've never seen a girl like Nicole suck a dick this
big."  He laughs and puts his hand over his obviously massive penis.  Nick
laughs, "calm down Brian, we don't need to see that thing dude we all get
enough pussy in here, except for Josh of course!"  Josh blushes all over
and Spencer turns to him and slaps his butt, "there Josh! Now you got some
baby!" All the boys laugh and Josh giggles along with them.  Jacob has a
great idea, "come on Spence, I need some ass too man!" Spencer the runs
across the tiny locker room to Jacob and pushes him against the wall and
pretends to rape him as all the guys crack up.  Spencer slaps Jacob's butt
and pulls down his boxers and keeps spanking it till its a little bit red.
All the boys are laughing and Jacob turns around with his boxers around his
ankles.  Everyone looks at Jacob's penis and Spencer says "Nice one Jacob,
too bad its not big or anything!"  Jacob replies "Oh be quiet man, its
average sized, like 6 inches or so, yours is probably half that!"  Jacob
pulls down Spencer's boxers revealing a 7 inch soft penis.  Jacob recoils,
"well it looks like you're a bit bigger than me Spencer."
 The boys are all starting to get turned on by the two exposed
dicks.  Spencer spins around and shows off his soft penis to his friends
and Henry comments on how Spencer's butt is super white while the rest of
his body is so tan.  Spencer laughs and asks if Henry's butt is as white as
his body.  Henry smiles at Spencer and pulls down his boxers for everyone
to see.  "Yupp guys, i'm white" Henry and Jacob are exactly the same size,
except Henry starts to get a boner and starts to rub it in front of his
friends.  Spencer laughs and reaches out to grab Henry's hard dick to
everyone's shock.  Brian asks "Spencer that's really hot but I think its
gay man."  Spencer says "Brian shut up, yours is too big for anyone to
handle!"  Spencer looks at Henry for approval; Henry winks and blushes and
Spencer continues to play around with the tip of Henry's throbbing cock.
At the same time, Nick walks over to the urinal on the right and begins to
stroke his cock while pulling down his boxers.  Brian notices this and
walks over to the left urinal and takes out his thick penis and rubs it.
The two boys smile at each other and Brian moves his big hand over onto
Nick's hard cock and starts jerking it for him.  Nick does the same to
Brian and moans a little as Brian's massive dick moves back and forth in
his hand.  Brian smiles at Nick and jerks his big dick for him, playing
with his balls from time to time.  Spencer and Henry have paired off and
start to kiss each other and while caressing each other's dicks.  Spencer
hard nipples are rubbing against Henry's chest and Spencer starts to kiss
Henry's neck.  Henry moans out "oh Spencer, dude, you turn me on so much, I
want to bust all over you man" Meanwhile, Josh and Jacob give each other
dirty looks.  Jacob, already with his boxers down, shuffles over to Josh
and asks if he is big.  Josh stutters but and tells Jacob he can find out
if he wants.  Jacob smirks and starts kissing down Josh's chest, past his
nipples and abs until he gets to his boxer line.  Then Jacob pulls down
Josh's boxers in one swoop and takes his dick in his mouth while going to
his knees.  Jacob looks up at Josh and says "yes Josh, you have a very cute
small penis."  Brian hears this from the urinals and laughs "I knew he
did!"  Nick tells Brian to cut Josh some slack, after all Josh is a total
cutie.  Nick walks over to Josh and Jacob, totally naked, and Josh goes
down on his knees and starts licking Nick's balls and penis head with his
wet tongue.  Jacob goes over to Brian and they make out right next to Nick
and Josh.  Spencer sits down on the bench and Henry starts to blow him as
Nick licks Henry's penis.  The boys form a blowjob line.  Nick, Brian, and
Spencer, the three big boys, are standing, while Josh, Jacob, and Henry are
on their knees in front of them blowing them, respectively.  They hold
hands as they get blown, and Nick starts to rub Brian's leg and comes
closer and closer to cumming.  Spencer is the first one to give in.  He
moans as loud as he can, making the other boys even harder, Henry keeps
sucking on Spencer's rock hard cock and gets prepared for a huge load of
cum to burst out.  Spencer cums in Henry's mouth and he smiles as Spencer
busts all over his face.  Henry runs to the shower to wash the cum off his
face and Spencer follows.  They hold each other in the shower and start
rubbing each other's dicks again, jerking as fast as they can.  Spencer's
glistening body gets wet in the shower and Henry runs his hands down his
chest to his hips and rubs his thighs before taking Spencer's hardening
cock in his hands again.  Spencer's smooth 7 incher is loving every touch
of Henry's powerful hands.  All the boys can hear Spencer moan "Ohhhh, mmm
Henry don't stop doing that, rub it faster, it's so hard, mmm Henry oh baby
rub my dick, get on your knees and lick it."  Meanwhile, Josh asks Nick if
he can give him some great head.  Nick nods his head and Josh runs his
smooth arms across Nick's chest before placing his hands on Nick's sides
and starting to kiss down his chest, to his abs and eventually to the tip
of his 7 and half inch dick.  His tongue slinks down Nick's dick, licking
the sides and shaft as Nick moans.  Josh puts Nick's cock in his mouth and
begins to suck it.  Then he deep throats it and places his soft hands on
Nick's upper thighs.
 Brian is the youngest boy, and he walks up to Nick and Josh and
starts rubbing Nick's bare chest with his smooth but big hands as Nick's
fingers run down Brian's chest to his hard penis.  Nick nudges Josh off his
cock and starts to caress Brian rubbing his butt cheeks and muscular but
bare thighs while Brian's warm hand strokes Nick's hard cock for him.
Brian is great at it, and Nick moans a little bit and he starts to jerk
Brian at the same time, pausing to rub his balls for him too.  Nick runs
his hands up Brian's chest to his neck and shoulders, and pushes him down
to his knees and he whispers in his ear "suck me Brian."  He obeys and
begins to lick Nick's shaft at first while caressing his thighs.  Then he
speeds up and begins sucking it, taking it in his mouth and running it on
his soft, warm tongue.  Nick's feet shake and Brian takes more of his cock
into his mouth, sucking faster now and letting Nick rub his hair too.
Nick's legs tighten up and he pumps his cock forward, ready to cum.  Brian
gets ready for it and engulfs his mouth on Nick's cock and doesn't let it
out until all of Nick's cum has been shot into his mouth.  Then Brian
swallows it and gives Nick's cock one last lick.

Massage

I rang a masseur I had heard of and asked if he could come over tonight, as I was feeling rather tense. He said he would be over in a couple of hours. I thought, great I will have time to shower and shave. I spent ages shaving my legs, pubes, underarms and my bum. I put on plenty of moisturizer all over my body and sat down to enjoy a wine and put a DVD about shemales on.
He arrived right on time and knocked on the door, I slipped on a short red satin robe. I opened the door and showed him in to where the massage table was. He excused himself to go and wash his hands and I stripped off and lay face down on the table with my semi erect cock pointing down between my legs.

He stood at my head and poured oil on my back and started to rub down my back and my arms. This was relaxing. He then moved down to the other end of the table and poured the oil over my freshly shaven legs. He commented on the DVD that was showing and he seemed to like it. He started with a hand on each ankle and started to slide upwards and then back down again. Each time he moved his hands up my legs they would go a little further. I spread my legs and his hands ran up my inner thighs lightly touching my cock and balls. At first I thought he didn’t feel me but as he moved his hands up again they lingered around my cock. By this time I was rock hard and my cock was still bent down under me with precum oozing out.

My legs by this stage were spread so far apart that he could see everything. He poured oil over my bum and started to massage my cheeks and I could feel the oil running down to my hole. It wasn’t long before his fingers were tickling my hole and every time he touched it my bum raised up to meet his fingers.

He stopped and came around to the head of the table again and started on my shoulders and head. It was then that I felt his hard cock against my head; I didn’t even know when he took his clothes off. As he kept rubbing me the feeling of his cock against my head was too much. I had hidden a condom under the towel on the table and quickly put it on his delicious cock and engulfed him until my nose was touching his stomach. It was too much for him as he moved around to the side of the table as I shifted onto my back and lifted one leg and he entered me. It wasn’t long before we both came with me pulling myself so hard I ended up with come all over my tits and face.

I didn’t know, although I had hoped, that this would happen and I am sure it will happen again, except next time I will be all dressed up in stockings, panties, bra, wig and make up, it should prove to be an interesting evening.

Rodeo Rough Riders

Hank climbed on the big black bull that was snorting in the pen. He placed his left hand securely under the rope and held on before giving a thumb up with his right hand. The gate opened and the big black bull leaped out of the pen to the cheering of the crowd. Hank focused on staying glued to the raging animal’s back as he rode it around the arena.

The seconds seemed to creep by slowly as the tall and limber rodeo rough rider hung on to back of the big black bull. His body jerked back and forth as the raging animal tried to throw him. When he finally heard the bell that told him that his eight seconds was over, he slipped his left hand out from under the rope and jumped off.

Hank landed hard but he managed not to break anything but his hat went flying off. He quickly got to his feet and starting running towards the nearest fence. The raging animal wasted no time in setting his sights on the rodeo rough rider. Hank pulled himself up and over the fence seconds before the big black bull took a swipe at him.

“That was a great ride,” he heard a familiar voice say.

He smiled at the sight of his best friend and lover, Paul, who was also a rodeo rough rider. His hat was returned by a rodeo clown and he gave his thanks.

“Your ride is going to be tough to beat,” Hank said as the pair waited for the scoring announcement.

They both hugged each other when they heard that his ride put him in second place behind Paul. They wanted the hug to last longer and end with a kiss but they were out in public so they settled for a pat on the back followed by a handshake. They watched the next three rodeo rough riders but none of them stayed on for the entire eight seconds that it took to score.

The pair went on their way to the winner’s circle and accepted the prizes. Hank won five thousand dollars while Paul received ten thousand and a trophy. They pretended to enjoy the scantily clad women that posed with them for the public relations pictures. Only a handful of people knew that the rough riders were gay lovers.

After the festivities of winning wrapped up, the pair went back to their hotel room and helped each other strip off their dusty clothes. Both men were in their early thirties and seen several years of riding the rodeo circuit. Hank had a scar from were a bull’s horn ripped open the skin under his left rib cage. Luckily for him, the horn did not puncture anything and the rip only needed a dozen stitches.

The rough riders were both tall and limber but Paul had a lighter shade of brown eyes and hair. Hank’s skin was also much tanner than that of his best friend and lover. Each of the rough riders kept their hair short and their pubic mounds shaved. Neither of them had very much body hair. The men stepped into the shower and Hank turned on the water. They soaped each other up while checking for bruises.

After rinsing the soap off, they embraced and kissed each other in the shower. Both of the cowboys were well hung and their members began to stiffen. The water was turned off and they stepped carefully out of the shower stall. They toweled each other off and walked to the bed.

Hank pulled the bedspread, blanket and top sheet off the bed. He then sat down on the bed’s edge and looked up into the other man’s light brown eyes.

“Congratulations on your win today,” the rough rider said.

Paul smiled and stepped close to his best friend and gay lover. His smile grew larger as he felt Hank’s lips wrap themselves around his swelling member. He let out a sigh of satisfaction as he received another great blowjob. Today’s win made his fourth one in a row.

Hank managed to take all the rough rider’s eight inch cock into his mouth. As he sucked, his fingers massaged the hairless balls. His throat muscles squeezed the purple glan and made the cock swell ever bigger.

After several moments of sucking Paul’s member, he slid his moist mouth off and climbed on the bed. He got on all fours and wiggled his butt.

“Time for another great ride,” he said with a mischievous grin.

“And this is the better of the two,” Paul said as he climbed on the bed.

He positioned himself behind Hank and spread his buttocks wide. He pressed his spit-covered glan against the quivering anus and gently pushed his way inside. Both of the rodeo rough riders let out a moan of pleasure.

Paul inched his eight inch cock deeper into his gay lover’s ass. He then proceeded to slowly fuck Hank’s asshole slowly. His hard cock went in and out of the anal cavity easily.

Hank’s member, swung freely between his legs. He moaned a few times as the hard cock went in and out of his asshole. He was used to the feeling since he had been on the receiving end for the last fourth wins. His luck would change soon and he would win first place.

Paul felt his pre-cum escape his cock and he increased the speed of his thrusting. He soon exploded deep inside his gay lover’s asshole. His hairless balls drained themselves of the precious fluid.

Hank felt the semen fill his anal cavity moments before his gay lover’s spent cock slipped out. The pair hugged and kissed before he found his hard cock inside his gay lover’s moist mouth.

Paul deep throated the seven inch cock until he felt the pre-cum slip down his throat. He pulled his mouth away just in time for the rough rider to explode on his face. He used his fingers to scoop it all into his mouth.

“Now let’s get a steak,” Hank said.

The rough riders dressed in their best clothes and went to the nearest steak house. They would have to be on the road tomorrow to head to the next rodeo and start the process all over again.

First Time Experiences

I was about 16 or 17, a guy which I was attracted to knocked at my
door. He had a disagreement at home and needed a place to spend the
night.

I was on my own by that time, and we were the only ones in the
apartment. I did not know he was gay and I don't think he knew I was
but I never asked. He was going to take the other bed in my room the
only bedroom in the apartment. He stripped to his jockey shorts and
as he stepped quickly across the room to his bed it was obvious that
he was well endowed and excited. The bulge was enormous, it stood
out so much that I remarked about the size of it. We pulled back
the covers and climbed into bed and the conversation turned to sex.
Soon he had the covers back and was massaging it gently. Can't
remember the exact way it all came about after that be we were soon
engaged in mutual oral sex. After that he would stop by from time to
time to spend the night. I always enjoyed his visits and I never knew
he was coming until he knocked at the door.  I wonder where he is now.




My first experience is rather similar.  I was living in West Texas,
panhandle to those that know the area, and I had a very close friend
that I ran around with starting when we were about 8 years old.  As
we grew older and grew to our teens, 12 or 13, we were naturally
curious about sex and masturbated together often.  The fun thing was
the different places that we find to do it, once on the roof of our
Junior High School well after midnight.  Those times did not involve
touching each other as I think the personal excitement was the only
thing on our minds.

As we became older, I guess around 16 to 17, the idea of further
sexual action, i.e. oral, anal, and kissing, started to arise.  I
can remember the first time we tried anal sex.  We were out on a
camping trip, just the two of us and we had just pitched a tent at
a lake some miles from town.  We had air mattresses and were getting
comfortable in the sleeping bags when he made the statement that
it seemed that we could enjoy having anal intercourse if we could
figure out how to do it.  Seem rather funny now but at 16 years
old I can remember we really had no idea how to work the positions.
Needless to say we accomplished it and he really enjoyed being
on the receiving end but I found it to hurt too much so after that
I was always the one on top.

A couple of years later, after I had moved back to Dallas from West
Texas, I was visiting him and his mother found a gay porno book in
my suitcase and started putting peaces together from the previous
suspicions she had.  She call me into their house and call me a
sick little homosexual and said that I could be a bad influence
on her "Non-Homosexual" son.  <>.
Anyway I was banished from the house and had to have my mother pick
me up from the friends she was staying at.  She asked me what had
happened and I explained.  She just asked me if I was and I said
I didn't know.  In 1979 it was hard for me to know.   I've only
seen him once since Mothers do get paranoid don't they...they
just don't understand that either you are or your not and that
people don't really get converted. If you are not gay or bi you
are just not interested. How long ago was it that you saw him, and
did you discuss what happened.
   

Dark Side of the Moon part 4

The Dark Side of the Moon 4

There was a loud knock on my door that jolted me, sweating, back to reality. Chase and Connor were practically thrown into my room and behind them was the much larger Jimmy.

Chase growled at Jimmy, “Okay, man, we can fucking do this ourselves! Why don’t you just go play with yourself?”

Jimmy glared at him and said, “Don’t fucking push it! I know plenty of shit about you!”

Chase and Connor dress like jerks in baggy, really baggy clothes with baseball caps on backwards and it’s just really stupid. Jimmy, somehow, never went thru that stage and always looked more like a college guy that a high school guy.

They stopped halfway into the room and stared at me. They looked, I dunno, put upon I guess.

Finally Connor walked over and sat on my bed while he looked my body over. “Dude you look like shit.” Behind him Chase turned back towards the door but it was pretty clear that Jimmy wasn’t moving from the doorway so he turned back with a dramatic sigh.

Connor reached out his hand to my face and without thinking about it or even wanting to do it I jerked my head back. Connor’s tempered flared. “That is so fucked up! I didn’t do this to you ya little queer! Quit tryin to make me the fuckin bad guy!” Chase had backed up to the wall and glared at me.

From the doorway Jimmy yelled, “Connor!”

Connor jumped up and turned on him. “Don’t fucking “Connor!” me! I did not do this!” He spat every word out then swung back to me and yelled, “One of my fucking friends got hauled outta school by the fucking cops, Robbie! The fucking COPS!” He wiped spittle from his lips while I cringed and tried to move back against the headboard and maybe thru the wall.

He pointed his finger at me and it was shaking. “Jeff would not fucking have done this! What’d you do you little fairy, try to suck their cocks?” He wiped his eyes hard with the back of his hands. He yelled, “I’ve seen the way you fucking look at guys!”

He swung back and screamed at Jimmy, “He’s a fucking faggot! Don’t you fucking get it? He’s a faggot!” It was one of those moments when death seems like the only way out but nobody is gonna help you with that. “I’m not fucking staying here!” He pushed his way past Jimmy with a sullen Chase following him.

Jimmy started to walk towards me while saying, “He didn’t mean it, Robbie. He’s pissed about Jeff but he hasn’t really thought this thru. He’ll….”

I felt bad about letting Jimmy go on defending me…..at least from the charge that I was gay. I mean eventually he’d find out that it was true and I didn’t want him putting himself out there for me when I knew there was no point and besides this seemed like as good a time as any. I really couldn’t see how I could be worse off than I already was.

Inside my head it felt like my head was spinning and that it’d make one loop and stop and then a couple of seconds later make another loop. I wanted to grab my head and hold it steady but I knew that wouldn’t help.

“He’s right, Jimmy. Not about my tryin to do anything with those guys but about my being gay.”

Jimmy’s head dropped immediately and he stood there with his shoulders hunched forward staring at the floor. I started to talk, I wanted to tell him that there wasn’t anything that I could do about it and that I didn’t want to be gay but I just was. But as soon as I started to speak he held up his hand without looking at me and said, “No! Just………don’t…talk.”

I must have slept but I got this feeling like life was going on around me while I slept. I mean not like it usually stops or anything but more like the feeling that people were walking around my bed and talking and stuff. When I woke up I felt tired like I hadn’t really slept at all. My door was closed and I could hear conversations from other parts of the house. All the way down in the kitchen I could hear my mother say the occasional word to someone and muffled voices from what sounded like a television. Then over that conversation my dad on this floor talking, I think to Connor but it could have been Chase. I didn’t hear Jimmy’s voice at all.

My dad was saying, “Looks better…needs you guys…don’t you think.” It was all a jumble made worse by my spinning head but it sounded like he was pretty much asking my brothers how I was. My heart stopped as I waited for them to tell him that I was gay but it didn’t happen instead Connor told him that I was fine and that I seemed to be getting better. He sounded really upbeat. Maybe I had just imagined him yelling earlier. I remember having that nightmare and reliving shit and then, maybe it was a dream. No. That couldn’t have been a dream. Obviously I’m not that lucky. And thinking that brought a tidal wave of fear. I was really alone. It was pretty clear how my brothers felt and I was pretty certain that Karen would go along with them, well at least with Jimmy. After all, they were twins. When dad did finally find out about me he’d feel the same way that my brothers did and maybe mom’d feel that way too. I mean why not? That left me with basically nobody on my side and the way my head has been spinning I could barely make it to the bathroom without falling much less somehow get away from all the people who hated me…or probably would hate me. Since the thought of going back to school made me literally need to puke I kept pushing it away whenever it tried to get into my head.

The thought kept coming into my head of Connor pulling my mom and dad into my room and then pointing at me and yelling. “He’s a fucking faggot! Don’t you fucking get it? He’s a faggot!” Suddenly I felt very undressed and vulnerable lying here in my pajamas and I pulled the covers up to my chin. I’ve read about parents kicking their kids outta the house when they find out that they’re gay but I was pretty sure that they wouldn’t do that and maybe Connor would never even tell them. Maybe Jimmy would. Why the fuck did I think of that? That’s what’ll happen! Jimmy’ll get all dad like and figure he needs to spill his guts to mom and dad so that they understand about their son the faggot. He won’t even think about them maybe kicking me out it’ll all be “for my own good” and to get me help and shit. I’m soo fucked! I didn’t think it could get worse but I guess that it always can.

The one good thing about having a concussion is that you sleep a lot and all things considered that was probably the best way for me to be spending my time. People don’t beat on ya when you’re sleeping and it was pretty unlikely that they’d push me out onto the street in my pajamas. It’d look like hell to the neighbors.

As I was waking up for like the zillionth time I was pretty sure that I felt hands on me touching me and even before I woke up my body was telling me that it didn’t like it. By the time that I actually did wake up I was sweating so bad that my pajamas were totally soaked and I felt like the devil himself had grabbed hold of me.
So naturally I woke up shrieking, yeah, not just hollering like a normal person but shrieking and screaming for them not to hurt me and shaking so bad that my mother had stumbled backwards with a shocked look on her face.

That’s probably the last time my mom will be checking to see if I’ve got a fever. Suddenly the room was filled with people, most of who were checking to see that mom was okay. I could even hear people pounding on the front door yelling their offers of help. Sweat was pouring off of my face and even the bed was wet. I must have dropped like a gallon of water with that little display.

And behind door number three is your little boy Robbie, nutcase and faggot. Would you like to try for door number three? Uh huh, uh huh, we didn’t think so.

Somehow dinner appeared on a TV tray next to my bed and I watched as it went thru various stages throughout the evening as I slept and woke, slept and woke. First the gravy congealed and the chicken got these little dried edges that kinda curled up and the broccoli just seemed to collapse into the plate. This’d probably be easier to deal with if the world would stop spinning. How can I actually feel worse than I did when I was in the hospital? It’s like nothing is certain when everything is literally spinning and it’s not like I need more uncertainty.

My parents have taken to opening my door and glancing in with worried looks on their faces which kinda makes me feel like I’m in the zoo. I do know that they mean well and it’s obvious that Connor hasn’t ratted me out yet. And that’s a little troubling. It’s like there’s this other really big shoe to drop yet and I don’t have a clue as to when that’s gonna happen but I’m pretty sure it’ll be at the worst possible moment and it’s occurred to me that maybe I should tell them myself but I just don’t have the guts for that and I’m pretty much relying on sleep to solve the problem.

Well finally I got the chance to go to sleep when it was actually night so then, of course, I couldn’t. I turned on the little TV in my room and put on my earphones and watched old sitcoms like Leave it to Beaver and The Andy Griffith Show and then somewhere around midnight I dozed off with the light on my nightstand still on.

I dreamed about the house that we used to live in when I was a little kid and we had this mean-ass neighbor guy who was always yelling at us kids. One day we were all horsing around and somebody, I found out later that it was Chase, broke one of the windows on his garage. So naturally they all took off running like crazy but I was little and I wasn’t even sure what had happened and then when I realized it was too late because the neighbor guy had blocked my escape. It was the first time that I ever remember being totally terrified. He had me trapped between the fence and the wall of the garage and he just kept walking towards me, the dried leaves crunching under his feet, yelling until there wasn’t anyplace else for me to go to and he stood over me screaming. I almost peed in my pants.

So that was the dream that always hit me when I was scared or worried or some shit and it was the dream that I had that night. I could feel myself tossing and turning and trying to escape the dream because I like knew it was a dream and yet I didn’t. You know? I guess it doesn’t matter cause scared shitless is still scared shitless but just when I was about to wake myself up something else did. At first I didn’t know what it was because I was still asleep but I still knew somewhere in my head that it was different from the dream, like something had interjected itself into the dream, something different than me or the dream.

My throat was really dry and I was wet again from sweating and my heart was beating so fast and hard that it felt like it was about twenty times bigger than it is but then I felt my dad’s hand on my arm and heard his voice and I realized that he was the one who stopped the dream.

“You okay, Son?” His voice was soft and deep, his hand was warm on my arm. I relaxed and laid my head back down on the pillow. He was lying next to me on his side on my bed and I turned to look at him. His hair was messed up and he had this really worried look on his face. I could smell him, it was combination of deodorant and some kind of shave lotion and, I guess, him. His chest hair was coming out of the neck of his tee shirt. It was one of those vee neck tee shirts and it was really really white.

When I tried to speak my voice felt all funny but I said it anyway cause my throat had been fucked up since “it” happened. “Did I wake you up?” I sounded like I was three but then he could have that effect on me.

He smiled. “Yes and no. I was just checking on you and I saw you having the dream. Were you dreaming about what happened?” He was still holding onto my arm.

I shook my head. My voice sounded so little. “No. I was dreaming about that time Mr. Drebner yelled at me.”

My dad sighed. “That prick! I told him he had no business screaming at you like that but by then it was too late. I figured it was something you might remember for a while.” He reached over and brushed my hair out of my eyes. “Can’t save your kids from everything.” Then very quietly. “Sometimes you can’t save em from anything.”

I don’t know why I did it. Actually I don’t even think that I thought about it, it was like some part of my brain that I didn’t have any control over did it. It was like a total surprise to me. I just rolled over and buried my face in his chest while tears started pouring out of me and I sobbed, “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry this happened!”

He pulled me hard against his chest and buried his face in my hair. His voice sounded almost like he was crying but probably not cause he doesn’t do that.
“ It’ll be okay, Robbie! I’ll make it okay!” But I knew that he was wrong. I knew that it wasn’t gonna be okay.

courtesy of mygaystories

Dark Side of the Moon part 3

That evening instead of my mom and dad showing up after dinner Jimmy’s head popped through the door. My stomach lurched and I took off stumbling for the bathroom and just made it to the toilet before I hurled. Okay, so this was probably not the best beginning. I rinsed my mouth out and trying hard to keep that stupid gown closed in the back I sidled back to the hospital bed. Jimmy was standing in the corner of the room looking frozen. If he was trying to look invisible I could have told him that at 6’2” tall and 185 pounds his chances of doing that were slim.

I took another sip of water to try and get that puke taste out of my mouth and then turned my head, shuddered and looked at Jimmy. Then to complete the look I started to cry. I felt like I was crying because I was so deep down scared but I figured that I was also crying for a lot of other reasons that I didn’t want to think about yet.

For a while I thought we were gonna stay like that, Jimmy standing in the corner looking like he wanted to be on the moon instead of here and me in the bed crying and wanting to pull the covers up over my head.

Jimmy was the first to move but then I figured that he should be. He walked slowly to the foot of the bed and stared at me like he had stopped breathing.

“That’s what I do to you?” He brushed his nose with the back of his hand. “You can’t even talk to me without puking?”

I was leaning against the headboard and had pulled my knees up tight to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I mumbled into my knees. “I didn’t tell the cops about you guys. Really, I only told em about the guys that………did that to me.”

He walked over to the side of the bed and I scurried quickly to the far side. He held out his hands and said, “It’s okay, I’m not gonna hurt ya. Geez, Robbie, will ya calm down, I’m your brother, you’ve known me your whole life.” His hand went to his forehead and he drew a deep breath.

“The thing is, Robbie that I wanted to tell ya that we made a mistake.” He stopped and sighed. “Shit you look like hell! What the fuck did those bastards do to ya?”

I figured that if he didn’t know the answer to that question he was the only one in town, by now, who didn’t.

“Karen said…….said that you’re afraid of us………..of me.” His fingers were twisting the edge of the sheet. “Robbie we didn’t do anything to you. I mean, I agree we made a hell of a mistake with that kid but we never hurt you. And for all of that we never hurt him, not really. It’s not like it doesn’t happen all the time to a lot of kids and it’s all in fun.” He sighed. “Okay, so maybe he didn’t have fun but it’s not like it’s never happened to anyone else.”

I just stared at him but I was getting angry. I said, “You mean because it’s tradition?”

“Well, kinda. It happens every year to a lot of kids. It’s not that big of a deal.”

My insides were shaking. “So if somebody, three strangers, grabbed mom or dad and made them strip off all their clothes or they’d beat em up and then made em put them back on inside out or in the wrong order that’d be okay?”

“No! No………..Robbie…….I know that it was wrong.”

“So did you apologize to the kid?” I had pulled the blanket up to just under my nose.

He snorted. “No, why……..”

“The guys who attacked me are gonna go to jail.”

“Robbie, we didn’t rape the kid!”

I was starting to sob and shake so bad I wasn’t sure if my body could handle it, mainly I think because I figured he was never gonna understand and that I had been right all along and I was never gonna have my brothers back and I could really use em now.

I almost shouted, “He didn’t do it voluntarily did he? Or maybe it was his idea, maybe he wanted you to make him strip off his clothes to humiliate him, maybe it was his plan all along. Maybe he wanted to have to run home and hide afraid to tell his parents what had happened to him.” He was just standing there with his mouth open and I couldn’t seem to shut mine.

I was kneeling now but I still had the blankets pulled up to my chin and I was ready to piss in my pants, well if I had any on. I started to choke on my own saliva. There just seemed to be fluids coming out of me everywhere.

I kept gasping for breath. “I fucking loved you! I thought you were like dad that you were somebody nice but your not your just a fucking criminal!”

The doctor appeared in the doorway of the room and looked at us both and then walked up to my brother and got right in his face “You’re one of the brothers, right? Well I want you fucking outta here! I dunno what you did to this kid but I know you did something and I want you out!”

Jimmy practically screamed. “I didn’t do anything to him!”

The doctor pointed at me. “So he always looks like that? He didn’t look like that before you got here! He’s got a concussion and you upsetting him is not the way to get him well.”

The doctor looked at me and said, “Robert, I want you lying down flat on your back and I want you to rest. The world seems to think that concussions aren’t anything to worry about but they’re wrong.”

He looked a Jimmy. “You’re still here.”

“Look, doctor, I’m sorry that I upset him. That was the last thing that I wanted to do but can I just have a couple of minutes? Please! I won’t upset him anymore.”

The doctor stared into my brother’s eyes for a long time and then finally said, “Five minutes! I hear him yelling and I call security. Got it?”

“Yes, Sir.” The doctor turned abruptly and walked out of the room.

Now that I was lying down Jimmy walked over next to where my head was and hunkered down just like my dad did. Geez he looks so much like my dad. I don’t look like anybody.

“Robbie…………I’m gonna think about what you said.” He took a deep breath. “The thing that I wanted to tell you………….actually the only thing that I really wanted you to know when I came here is that I…….well we, cause it’s true for Chase and Connor too…….we love you. I know that we fucked up. The thing is that I’m gonna try to make it right. You’re not the only one that I disappointed. I disappointed Dad and I gotta make it right for him too.

He crossed his arms on the edge of the mattress and rested his chin on his arms. “I thought about you all last night, what you went through………with those guys. We haven’t even had a chance to talk about that yet. You musta been terrified,” He closed his eyes for a moment, “I mean I can’t even imagine. I thought about that and then I thought about how I seemed to make you feel the same way and I can’t get that outta my head.”

He reached out and gently wiped my tears away with his thumb. “I just want you to give me a chance……….a chance to prove that I’m not that guy, that guy that scares you. Robbie, it would kill me to think that that was the only way that you were gonna think about me.”

Okay, the thing is that I was prepared for him being a jerk, I more or less expected it but I wasn’t prepared for him being my brother, the brother that I had always known. So I said something that surprised even me something that I hadn’t been consciously thinking.

My voice was low because I felt like I was telling a secret. “They hurt me so bad, Jimmy.” I pulled my hand out from under the covers and wiped my eyes but I knew that the tears weren’t gonna stop. “And now I can’t sleep cause when I close my eyes they’re there………..and it’s all happening again.” I wiped some of the snot off of my upper lip with the back of my hand. “It’s over………and the thing is that I thought things would get better………but they’re not………..it………it just seems like they get worse……….and I don’t think that I have the strength…….the strength to keep doin this.”

Jimmy covered his eyes with the his hand for a moment and then he reached out and while he brushed back my hair he stared into my eyes. “I’m gonna talk to the doctor about something to help you sleep, where you won’t sleep and have dreams. Seems to me I read someplace they got stuff like that. He took my hand in his. “I won’t leave ya Robbie till I know that you’re gonna be asleep and be okay.”

The next morning I was alone but I didn’t remember having dreamt. Someone had already been in and set the breakfast menu down on the movable table thing and I called right away and ordered food and then tuned around the channels that the TV got. I tried to remember Jimmy leaving but the last thing that I remember is taking the pill that the nurse brought in and Jimmy wrapping his hand around mine.

Anyway the crying had stopped and I was really happy about that. It was beginning to get on my nerves and I pretty sure that nobody else was thrilled with it either. I was thinking about Jimmy and wondering if there was any reason that I shouldn’t take what he said last night at face value. I mean, after all that is basically the Jimmy that I’ve always known and I began to wonder if what was done to me didn’t fuck up my judgment.

I’m pretty sure that I’m goin home today although they always seem to holding out the possibility that it won’t happen and it’s not like I’m all that sure that I want to anyway. I figure that I know my mom and dad are okay with me and after last night I gotta figure that Jimmy is too but that still leaves Chase, Connor and the wild card Karen.

For one thing I haven’t seen any sign of Chase and Connor and that surprises me a little and there was something about the way Karen was acting but then maybe I’m just seeing stuff that isn’t there.

A social worker comes in and talks to me for about a half an hour and it’s almost like she’s speaking some language that I never even heard before cause after she left I couldn’t come up with one solid thing that she said.

The hospital shrink stopped in next and basically just gave me this card that had his office number at the hospital and another number where they’d give you referrals to other shrinks. I must not have looked like I was getting it cause he stopped after a while and asked if I thought he should wait and talk to my parents. I told him no.

I was killing time waiting for somebody to pick me up and I tried to call my friend Carl but then realized that he’d be in school. I started to wonder if he’d even want to talk to me. In high school becoming famous for being raped doesn’t guarantee popularity, usually just the opposite. I was also beginning to get a home alone feeling.

My dad showed up around eleven o’clock. He had gone to work and then left to pick me up and take me home and then he was headed back to work which meant that I’d be hangin at home by myself for most of the day.

The nurse told me that he was coming and she gave me my regular clothes but I guess that nobody thought about the condition that they were in what with the blood stains and tears. Well, it didn’t matter. I could live with it for as long as it took to get home. I checked the pants out it the bathroom mirror and they were worse than I thought. The whole backside of the pants were blood soaked but it was dry so it wasn’t like it would stain the seats in my dad’s car or anything but it did kinda advertise what had happened.

I guess that my dad hadn’t thought about my clothes either because he got this really shocked look on his face and then I realized that he probably hadn’t even seen these clothes. He didn’t look like he was handling it well.

He put his hand on my shoulder and gently turned me around. He shook his head slowly. “Geez that looks like a lotta blood!” Of course blood and shit are two things that go an awful long way when you start spreading them around.

I know that I was blushing, the fact is that I felt responsible for everything that had happened including my bloody pants. I felt like I should offer to pay for them.

“I’m sorry but I never thought to tell you guys about the pants. I had em on and I guess when I got here they took em off me.”

He smoothed out my hair and said, “No, don’t worry about it. It’s not like it’s your fault or anything.” He held my face lightly in his hands and examined the bruises.

“Your swelling has mostly disappeared but that bruising is gonna take a few days.”

For some reason, even though I know that he knows it, I say, “Jimmy was here last night.”

“I talked to him this morning. He said that he felt better, that he thought you guys were getting along.”

I nodded yes, pretty sure that it was true but knowing just as surely as I knew anything that not everything was right with everyone and that there was a lot more to come.

On the way to the car and once we got home dizziness had begun to reassert itself and my dad insisted that I lie down in the family room but as soon as he went back to work I went upstairs, one stair at a time, to see what my room looked like.

The lamp and the radio had been replaced but if you looked for it you could see a couple of dents where the radio and lamp had hit the wall. I looked in the mirror above my dresser. Geez I looked like shit! Big yellow and black bruises and the swelling wasn’t all gone. I looked like a freak.

I stripped off my clothes and changed into clean ones and then lay down on my bed. I was exhausted. Ever since it happened I’ve been exhausted. I keep thinking that I’m gonna wake up and it will have been a dream. I know that’s stupid and I know it’s not gonna happen but it’s all I’ve got.

I must have fallen asleep if you can call what I do sleep. When I woke up I laid there on top of the covers listening to the sounds of the house and the traffic outside and thinking about the changes in my life that happened because I decided to take a piss in one men’s room instead of another.

Even assuming, and it was a big assumption, that I could straighten out the problem with my family there was still the matter of going back to school. It was gonna be bad but I just wasn’t sure how bad. It seemed to me a given that the few friends that I had would stay clear of me. After all, who wants to hang out with the wounded gazelle when the lions are waking up?

I heard a loud car turn into our driveway with a squeal of tires and knew that my brother’s were home. This time there was the usual arguing but it didn’t have a good-natured bantering quality to it and there was no laughing.

I thought about listening but then decided that I just didn’t want to deal with it and wrapped my pillow around my head which blocked out all but the loudest words, like faggot and cocksucker.

As soon as the pillow was over my head the movie began and I was back at the school in that john taking a piss and the door opens and three big guys come in. The guy with short black hair walks over to the urinal next to mine and just stands there as his buddies lean up against the sinks.

He reaches down and curls his fingers around his bulge and then shakes it and says, “Aaaahh!”

I can feel the heat from his body and I’m very aware of the other two guys over by the sinks who seem to be watching us without looking.

He spreads his legs wider than he needs to and his right foot is almost touching my left.

Finally he unzips and pulls his dick out and gives it a good shake.
He says, “Big huh?”

I know that he’s trouble and I somehow know that it’s not the ordinary shit that you run into in high school and I know that even if I get past him I won’t get past his buddies. It’s funny because even in that moment before it happened some tiny part of my mind was already looking at the aftermath and wondering how I’d be able to deal with it.

His voice isn’t particularly deep but it’s got an edge to it. “I said………..ain’t it fucking big?”

I’ve stopped peeing now and am putting my own cock away but mumble, “Yeah, I guess.”

He practically yells, “You guess?” Then more quietly, “Maybe you need a better look at it.” He turns towards me. “Go ahead, touch it. Go ahead.”

from:mygaystories