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Thursday, July 31, 2008

Lost and found chapter 1

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I rolled on my side and shoved my hands between my knees. I thought that I heard a sound but scrunched more deeply into the warmth of the blankets. Again the sound........ maybe the phone...........yeah, the phone. I reached out and snatched it, pulling it back into the warmth of the covers with me.

It felt cold next to my face. "Yeah?"

"You awake boss?"

"Oh fuck! Yeah Rosie. What's up?" I reached out with my other hand and turned on the light, the harsh glare making me close my eyes.

"Things are down big time in Europe and you've got a nice profit. You thinking of sitting on that or you want me to cash it in?"

I sat up in bed, finally waking up. "No. I wanna keep all of those short postions. I think we're gonna see a few weeks of this." I leaned my head back against the headboard of the bed and closed my eyes. "I think they wanna scare the crap out of everybody so I'm just gonna ride with it." I looked down at my dick sticking up, I pushed it down with my finger and then let it slap back up. Reaching down to the end of the bed I grabbed my bathrobe pulling it up and over my shoulders.

"Okay. You comin in?"

"Yeah Rosie, couple of hours, maybe less."

"See ya then boss."

"Later Rosie." I pushed the off button on the phone and laid it on the nightstand.

I wrapped my terrycloth bathrobe around me tight. The room felt cold and looking outside the day looked like it was going to be a typical November day, cold, overcast and depressing. Dried leafs were being blown across the barely visible yard. In the bathroom I peed and then stared at myself in the mirror.

"Asshole!" I thought. "Janet thinks you're an asshole, your kids think you're an asshole, not only an asshole but a pervert. Well, don't be unfair to Janet, she thinks you're a pervert too."

Looking at myself in the mirror I said out loud. "They're young. They'll come to feel differently."

I stepped on the scale then got off it and started to get into the shower when I realized that I hadn't even looked at my weight. I got outta the shower and weighed myself again. The same 180 pounds that it always is. I stepped back in front of the mirror and made a muscle. "Not bad, not bad at all."

In the shower I jerked off like I always did, wondering how many gallons of cum I had rinsed down this drain over the years. What if the markets in Europe rallied? You'll get creamed. They won't rally. They'll keep falling.

I shaved and walked naked back into my bedroom and then into my closet. I dug out a pair of boxers, slipped them on and then stepped into a pair of soft flannel slacks in a delicate gray, then a deep maroon shirt of very soft wool with long sleeves and a few inches of zipper at the throat. It occurred to me that I had never seen these clothes before. William in San Francisco just sent them. Every season he sends me clothes. I was suppose to send them back if I didn't like them but I never did because I'd feel stupid doing that and from time to time he'd call to see if I liked them and I always said yes and thanked him even though most of the time I didn't know what he'd sent. I had a lot of clothes.

The leather seats in the car were cold and I could see my breath. I pushed the button in the visor and the garage door went up and I pulled out into the cold morning. I looked at my house in the rearview mirror. It looked dead or sleeping or some shit like that, depressing. I knew that Ralph would be coming soon and then the house would come alive. Ralph had a way of doing that. When I got back, the house would be a home, bright with lights and a fire in the fireplace, Ella on the stereo and the smell of food cooking. Janet let me keep Ralph. Well the truth is that she didn't have a choice. He didn't like her, she had always been a bitch to him.

I drove down the blacktop road that led from my house to the main road, the cold of the road coming through in the sound of the tires on it. Things were pretty quiet, it was still early. Looking left and right I could see a few sets of headlights and taillights heading north and south. I turned the car south and brought it quickly up to highway speed. I love this car. I don't usually dwell much on material things but I love this car. I glanced at myself in the rearview mirror. "Bond, James Bond" I laughed out loud.

As I approached the Wisconsin Illinois border I saw the rest area and realized that I had to pee. I slowed the car and looked for cops. I needed to cut across the center strip of the highway to get easily to the rest area and that was illegal. The coast was clear and I swung into the area normally used only by the cops and headed north to the entrance to the rest stop. Well actually it was more than that. In warmer weather it served as a greeting center for people visiting the state and during warm weather the place would be crammed with tourists. They gave away maps and brochures and could really be pretty helpful but now that part of it was closed down and just the toilets were open, the main part of the building closed and shuttered. An old van was pulling out as I was pulling in.

I got out of the car and walked quickly under the bright floodlights to the john, the wind was cold and I was anxious to get back to the warm car. I pulled open the steel door and started walking to the urinals my footsteps echoing against the concrete block walls. I had never even thought to look at the stalls but now I could hear a sound coming from them. It was a gurgling sound and almost a whimper. I finished peeing and flipped my dick back in my boxers and cautiously looked over toward the stalls, I couldn't see anything at first but when I stepped back I saw something that looked like a bundle of fabric in the last stall. I tried to look in the stall without getting too close and then the whimpering sound again. I moved slowly to the door of the stall.

It was a man, or more accurately a boy. He was in dark, torn clothing and his black hair was matted with blood, his legs were splayed out at an odd angle. His right arm was on top of the toilet seat and his head layed against the gray concrete block wall. There was blood pumping out of his nose and draining out of his mouth. His face was badly bruised and beginning to swell. I must have said "Oh fuck!" out loud because he opened his eyes and looked at me with a look of complete horror. He held up his left arm as if to ward off a blow.

I held up my palms to indicate that I didn't intend to hurt him. "It's okay buddy, it's okay. I'm gonna help ya." I grabbed my cell phone and dialed 911. As I was explaining what I had found he was trying to stop me but since he couldn't move it consisted of plaintively waiving his left hand. Once I had closed the phone I looked at him and he dropped his hand in total defeat. Then looking right at me with tears in his eyes he said. "Hurts." His eyes were a bright blue and were electrifying even under these circumstances. I reached out slowly and lightly touched the top of his hand.

"You're gonna be okay." I gestured toward the door. "They're coming, you'll be okay."

He rolled his head slowly and looked up at me. He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them again. "Doesn't...........matter." There was another pulse of blood from his nose.

----------------------

The flashing lights of the ambulance were pulling away when the officer came over to me, the leather of his jacket creaking. "Mr. Palmer can we get your phone number? I don't suspect we'll need it but ya never know."

"Sure. I'm going to the office." I pulled out my wallet. "Here's my card. You can always get me through there." I turned to walk to my car but stopped and turned back.

"What's gonna happen to the kid officer?"

He was writing in a notebook and looked up. "They'll take him to the county hospital. I'll probably interview him there once they clean him up and stabilize him. It's hard to know if there's something seriously wrong with him. I don't think so, just a bad beating but we won't know till the doc's get a look at him." He looked directly at me. "You get used to it. I mean, I know that it's shocking, the violence, blood." His voice trailed off.

"What's the kids name officer?"

"No idea. No wallet, no ID of any kind and he wouldn't give us his name. He's terrified. When something like this happens, especially to someone young, it more than scary it takes a big emotional toll. They probably told him that they'd come back and get him. Some shit like that and they also probably rolled him."

Somehow I didn't think that that was it. There had been more than physical pain on the boy's face, a kind of agony of the spirit that seemed to go deeper.

A minute later I was back on the road on my way to the office but that face was before me. "Doesn't matter." Why would he say that unless there was so little to his life that it really didn't matter, that it really didn't matter whether he lived or died. Five more miles down the road I pulled over to the shoulder of the road and sat, thinking. Finally I tapped the accelerator and the car sprang forward. I turned hard left and drove through the center of the highway again and headed back. I picked up the car phone and called Rosie.

"Sweetheart, I need you to do some stuff." Rosie is my secretary, well, more my assistant. She's a black lady who's about 5'4" and about two hundred and fifty pounds. She's also got a brain that I'd put up against IBM's best.

"First of all, as we speak there's an ambulance headed for the county hospital. In it is a guy with black hair and blue eyes, maybe twenty years old, who's been beaten up. Call the hospital and see to it that he's taken care of. I'm on my way there but I want their best effort."

"Next call my doctor and have him recommend someone on the hospital staff to treat the kid, somebody good. And don't let him give ya that shit that they're all good. Next call Callin & Callin and have them send an attorney over there to represent the kid. The cops'll be talking to him and..............I just want him......... not to be alone." I took a breath.
"Any questions Rosie?"

She was clicking with her tongue at the thought of the violence involved. "Not about this but you got a second?"

"Sure Rosie."

"Well that dumbass real estate agent has been calling about that land. You want it?"

"Yeah but I don't wanna pay what they want."

"Boss," she said indulgently, "that's a given."

"Well.........get it for me Rosie, but cheap."

"But Rosie, this other stuff first. It's important."

"Boss, you can't see it but I'm already dialin."

-------------------

The wonderful thing about Rosie is that you don't have to spell things out for her. In a way it's a little scary, like she's reading my mind but the upside is worth it. As I was pulling up to the hospital so was the attorney from Callin & Callin. God only knew what Rosie had said to get a lawyer over here that quickly but it was the sort of thing she pulled off every day.

The guy saw me and was buttoning up his overcoat as he walked over holding out his hand. "You must be Mr. Palmer." We shook hands. "Your secretary said to look for a blond guy in a BMW. I'm Michael Worthington."

"You made good time." He was a nice looking guy, dark brown hair cut fairly short and warm brown eyes or maybe hazel.

"I was already up," he smiled, "ready to leave for the office anyway."

We started walking to the emergency room entrance. "Somebody beat this kid, beat em pretty bad. The kid is scared, won't even give his name. I have no reason to believe that he did anything or is guilty of anything but I want you there to protect him."

"Can I ask what the connection is? I mean between you and the kid?"

I looked at him for a second, wondering. "No connection." I thought of those blue eyes. "I just found him."

I stopped just as we were approaching the nurses stand in the emergency room. Michael kept walking for a second before he realized that I had stopped then he walked back to me. "Problem?"

"You go. Do the lawyer thing and then come and tell me. I'll," I looked around, "I'll be in the coffee shop."

I followed the signs to the coffee shop and was working on my second cup when Michael slid in to the other side of the booth. He had an odd look on his face and he raised his hand almost like he wanted to stop the very words coming out of his mouth.

"Mr. Palmer, I'm so sorry but...........the boy is dead." He hurried on. ‘They don't know why yet.......... His words just trailed off.

The words made me feel like I had walked into a fog, an ice blue, acid fog. "Oh. Oh god." I dropped my eyes to the table. "I should have stayed with him. He said it didn't matter and I should have known." I looked up into Michael's eyes. "If I had stayed with him I could have made him hang on...........I. You see? I coulda stopped him. He said that it didn't matter what happened to him but I coulda made him understand that people cared." I closed my eyes and all that I could see was the boys face with those blue eyes staring at me, burning into my brain, asking why I didn't stay with him. I wasn't really aware of the fact that I was dropping my forehead to the table but then I could feel my head resting on my hands. I felt certain that I could hear someone crying in the distance, like maybe down the hall, sobbing uncontrollably. Then Michael was pulling me out of the booth.

I felt more devastated then when my Dad died, worse than the divorce or even when my kids told me they hated me. How did that boy become so important to me? What had I invested in his existence that I didn't realize that I had?

I felt Michael's hands on my arms and then he was gently pulling me out of the passenger side of his car, supporting me and walking me to his townhouse. It was so quick he must live only a minute or two from the hospital. I could still hear the crying and it was getting louder. I felt Michael sit me down on a sofa and then he wasn't there and then he was back and gave me a damp towel but it was like I didn't know what to do with it it was just lying in my hands and the Michael took it and wiped my face. I was beginning to feel like I was coming back together and I knew that I was the one crying but it was beginning to stop. I could feel Michael gently put his arm on my back and then he pulled me to him, I was actually half lying against him, his left arm was around me and I think that I had finally stopped crying although every minute or so I would be slammed with another wave of emotion and it would start again but only for a few seconds.

"Fuck Michael, I'm so sorry! You couldn't have figured on me going nuts. I sure didn't."

Michael spoke tentatively. "I thought maybe you..........and the boy were like boyfriends..........or something."

I looked at him blankly. "How did you know that I was gay?"

"Your divorce. The whole state knows that you're gay."

"Shit." I rubbed my eyes with my hands. "I keep forgetting. Your question, attitude, this mean that you're gay too?"

"Yep, queen city."

"Michael, I'm so sorry this, happened? I don't ever collapse like this!"

"It's okay, I liked holding you. I liked that you cared enough about a stranger to react like this."

I twisted around so that I could look at Michael, there was a slight smile on his face. "That a come on?"

"Well, kinda. The firm frowns on fraternizing with clients so I'm kinda taking a chance. I'm hoping that if you don't go for me at least you won't rat on me."

"Michael, convince me that I'm not to blame for that kids death."

"You already know that you're not."

"Why do I feel so fucking horrible?"

"Well, it is horrible but it isn't a horror that you caused or could have changed. You were just a witness, not really a participant."

"I won't rat on you Michael. I mean regardless, I wouldn't rat on you but would you come to my house tonight for dinner? I need to be with another gay guy for a while. Does that make any sense? I can't be emotional with straight people like I can a gay guy." I didn't know how to explain, without feeling like a fool, that after the emotional breakdown that he had just helped me through, that I felt a closeness to him that I couldn't remember having felt for anyone else.

Michael wrapped his arm just a bit more tightly around my chest. "Is this like a date dinner or more like client and lawyer dinner?"

"Date dinner, slash, getting to know you better dinner. But look just because I'm a client...........I mean, don't attach any significance to that. Don't feel like it's something ya gotta do because that's not the case. "

"Well, in that case, what time should I be there?"

"Early. Whenever you can get there or wanna be there." I put my hand over Michael's. "And dress casual, not GQ coverboy casual but comfortable like you'd wanna be at home."

Michael smiled at me. "You don't like coverboys?"

"I guess they're okay when they're on covers but I wanna know the real Michael. I need to be with a real person right now." Michael bent his head and buried his nose in my hair.

"Why does your hair smell so good?"

I kinda laughed. "I dunno. It could be that stuff they send me. I think that's what I've been putting on it."

Michael rolled his eyes. His eyes were hazel and kind and he spoke with exquisite softness and also a gently huskiness to his voice. "You know, I think it's like a law that gay guys gotta know what they use on their hair. How can you not know that?" He slightly raised an eyebrow and there was a sexy crinkling at the corner of his eye.

"Well see I got this guy in San Francisco. He works at that big men's store there. I can never think of the name, it's right by Union Square. Well anyway, years ago I got this guy to do like my shopping for me, like for clothes and stuff and even toiletries. God I hate shopping. Anyway in the spring and the fall William, that's his name, sends me clothes for whatever season is coming up and also this shaving stuff and hair stuff. He said to send back whatever I don't like but I usually just keep it. I know Ralph clips off the tags and hangs the stuff up."

"Ralph?" Michael said a little loudly.

"He worked for my Dad, he's kinda old. After dad died Ralph just came to work for me. He's great! He takes care of the house and cooks and stuff." I felt it coming and lowered my head. "Oh!"

Michael reacted instantly. "What? You okay?"

"The boy! Oh god!" Michael pulled me against his chest and kissed my forehead.

"Hang on. It'll pass. Remember, you were only a witness. You are not to blame."

"Keep telling me. I wanna believe it."

--------------------------------

"He's dead Rosie. The boy died." At this point I sure was no judge of how my voice was sounding but probably not good. "I let the ambulance take him but I shoulda stayed with him."

"Boss, I just talked to the hospital and that boy died of internal injuries. That's what the doctor told me and I questioned him plenty about it too. There ain't nothing you coulda done and you did a damn site more than most people woulda done."

"Rosie I want you to hire detectives. I want to know why. I want to know who did that to the boy."

Rosie was silent for a few seconds. "I'll do it right away boss but..............talk to Michael about it.............for me."

"Rosie, how the hell do you know about Michael?"

"Boss you ask me to send an attorney for ya you gotta know that I'm gonna know somethin about him."

"You know he was gay?"

"Hmmmm. Well, I didn't know, not exactly."

"What do ya know about him?"

‘Well let's see. He's twenty-nine, never married, brown hair, hazel eyes, bout six feet tall, looks to be about your weight, went to law school at the University of Chicago and he specializes in mergers and acquisitions. I was a little disappointed in that but I couldn't find a criminal lawyer and such short notice."

"I don't suppose you know what he likes to eat, he's comin to dinner tonight?"

"Boss that's a set up for cheapass joke so I'm just sayin he'll be happy with whatever Ralph fixes you guys."

I laughed for the first time in hours. "Rosie I'm goin home. I gonna take a nice hot bath and relax."

"Whatever you need to do but if it was me I'd wait and take that bath with Michael."

"Oh lord, good bye Rosie!"

---------------------------

"Ralph, there'll be another person for dinner." I dropped my car keyes in the bowl in the kitchen.

"Yes sir. Rosie already called me." Ralph's voice, as always, was calm and modulated. "I thought a nice stuffed roasted chicken with oven roasted potato's, asparagus and a tossed salad with sautéed pecans and feta cheese. And I have a few baguets of French bed from that new bakery."

"God that sounds wonderful Ralph!" My muscles felt sore from the tension of the day. "I'm gonna have a martini and a hot bath."

"Sir you go ahead and I'll bring you in the martini."

"Thanks Ralph." I took a few steps and then turned back to him. "Ralph how the hell does that woman keep all this stuff in her head?"

Ralph laughed. "Sir, she been like that since she was a little girl. She started working for your dad when she was sixteen and when he saw what he had there he made her go to school.' He laughed again and shook his head slowly. "She sure is somethin."

I had just slid into the hot soapy water when the intercom buzzed. "Sir, Michael Worthington is here for you."

"Ask him what he likes to drink Ralph and send him up."

Moments later Michael stood at the doorway looking at me. "I had hoped to get you pretty much into this position but I thought it was gonna take longer."

I laughed. "Okay, strip down and get in." Michael was wearing jeans a green sweatshirt and loafers.

"You are kidding?"

"Nope. Okay, I do promise not to look until you get into the water and the tub is big enough for four."

"What about Ralph?" Michael had kicked off his shoes and was stripping off his socks.

"Ralph won't bat an eye. Besides it's his problem." Michael had pulled his sweatshirt off over his head. Nice chest, a little hairy.

He unzipped his jeans and I could see the white of his underwear. "Okay, you promised that you wouldn't look. I feel dumb enough already."

I laughed. "Okay, okay, I'm covering my eyes." I put my hands over my eyes and could first hear Michael pulling off his jeans and then felt him getting in the tub.

After he was settled across from me I dropped my hands and looked at him. "Boy did I wanna cheat!"

Michael laughed and looked down for a second.

There was a discreet knock on the door and then Ralph came in with two glasses and a small pitcher of martini's. Ralph's face was a study in nonchalance. "Sir dinner should be ready in less than an hour." Then added delicately. "I'll buzz you on the intercom."

"Thanks Ralph."

Michael looked up rather sheepishly and also said. "Yes, thanks Ralph."

I reached over and poured us each a drink. Handing Michael his I said. "Don't talk, don't even think until you've had this."

Michael laughed, took his drink and leaned back in the tub. My bathtub is huge, you could easily fit four people in it. I took a strong swallow of my drink and laid my head back against the tub closing my eyes. In a little while I felt movement in the water and when I opened my eyes Michael was sitting next to me rather than across from me.

He gave me a lopsided grin. "I got lonely over there."

Reaching down into the water with his right hand he laced his fingers through mine. I thought for a second that I might start to cry again but it passed.

I looked at Michael. "Thanks for being there today. I couldn't have gotten through it without you."

"I was glad to help. I've seen you from time to time when you've come into the office." He turned his head shyly back toward the water. "I always wanted to meet you but well, it just never happened." Then he seemed to think of something and said. "I don't mean that I wanted to meet you for business. It's just that when I moved here from the Chicago area I didn't know anyone and working where I work it's not like I can go running around to the bars." He looked at me with his brow furrowed and a vulnerable look on his face. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm lonely."

I looked at Michael and then quickly looked away, when I looked back I said. "I don't think that you're gonna have that problem anymore."

He never took his eyes from mine but asked. "Jeff, since we're sitting here together naked would you mind if I kissed you?"

I spoke softly. "I'd like that. Actually I think that I really need that."

Michael slid his right hand slowly behind my back and then reached over me with his left hand and pulled my face towards him while he moved toward me. As his lips were touching mine I could feel his left leg slide between my legs and our cocks press together. His arms around me were strong and the kiss was deep and confident. In a minute or so he pulled his head back and stared into my eyes.

He spoke quietly, his mouth a fraction of an inch from mine. "You know, you can let go if you want. If you need to cry or scream or anything in between, it's okay. Or if you just want me to hold you." He smiled. "It's not like I don't want to anyway."

I swung my right leg over Michael so that I was straddling him, we both had hardon's and we both ignored them. I laid my chin on Michael's shoulder while sitting in his lap facing him.

"It's just that he had his whole life ahead of him and the more that I think of it he knew that he was dying and he said that it didn't matter." I lifted my head and looked at Michael. "Didn't matter! I wanna hire detectives to find out what happened but Rosie said that I should talk to you first."

Michael looked puzzled. "Rosie?"

"She's the lady that talked to you this morning."

"Oh god! My interview for a job with the firm was easier. What does she do for you?"

"Geez, Rosie does everything. I mean we've got about twenty people with the company but Rosie.......well, first she's my assistant but that doesn't do her justice. I don't know what she said to you this morning but I can imagine. But look at it this way, isn't that what you'd want done for you?" I smiled at him. "Besides, she likes you."

"You're fucking kidding? She likes me? But she doesn't even know me and she sure didn't sound like she liked me this morning."

I laughed and told him the statistics that Rosie had on him. "But she didn't know you were gay. And she doesn't know how good a kisser you are, although she's probably already made and educated guess at that. When I told her I was going home and take a hot bath she suggested that I wait and take it with you." I laid my head back and turned it toward Michael. "Also she and Ralph form a network. It may sound weird but it's kinda comforting. By the time I got home Ralph already knew that some deep shit had happened and he was planning a comfort food dinner. And like sometimes I'll have to meet with investors in a more formal way and then Ralph will have laid out whatever I need to wear. They communicate."

The intercom buzzed and I reached over Michael to press the button. "Sir, the dinner is ready and I've just placed it in the warming oven. Sir, if you don't mind serving yourselves I'll be headed home."

"Thanks Ralph, hi to Harriet."

"Good night sir."

After I clicked off the intercom Michael wrapped his arms around me and pulled my head down for another kiss, his head tilted and his tongue deep in my mouth.

I pulled my head back. "God you taste good." I stood up and taking Michael by the hand pulled him gently out of the tub. "Time to eat." When I looked at the wall where my bathrobe usually hangs I had to laugh. There were now two bathrobes hanging there. I showed Michael. "See, they network."

On our way to the kitchen I gave Michael a tour of the house. "This area where my bedroom is also contains my office and a workout room." We walked further down the hallway until we were next to the front door. I pointed left. "All the way down is the living room, over here to the right is the rec room. You can also get to the kitchen that way. Pointing at the stairs just to our left. "These take you up to a few spare bedrooms. Of course when I had the kids here they used two of them." As we walked on past the front door, "dining room to our right and right ahead of us is the way that you came in. To the right leads to the side door, laundry room and garage and to the left the kitchen."

Michael was shaking his head slowly. "Holy shit this place is big!" There was an odd tone to his voice.

"Michael, my dad started The Palmer Company a long time ago. It was a successful business when I was a little kid and then after I got outta college he brought me into the company and taught me." I took Michael's hand while I was talking. "Not counting today, I work really hard. There are a lotta people who depend on me, employees and investors and I take it seriously. But I guess the point that I'm making is that the hard part was done for me. So don't be too impressed."

Michael turned to me and smiled, then he slowly opened my bathrobe and wrapped his arms around my naked body and pulled me to him. "Ya know, for a rich kid, you're a pretty nice guy."

"Awe shucks, you're just tryin to get into my pants."

Michael dropped his hands lower until they were on my butt. "But your not wearin any pants."

"Then you're tryin to get into my.......................maybe we better eat."

------------------------

The kitchen table looked like a chicken had exploded on it and Michael and I were leaning back in our chairs. "I can see why you like Ralph. Everything he cook this good?"

"Pretty much."

"What was that sauce?"

"Ahhhh, I think he just adds wine to the pan and boils it all down and then adds heavy cream."

Michael grabbed his waist. "Cream! Heavy cream! I must have had a cup of that!"

I tilted my head to the side and smiled. "Michael, you have a, what, thirty-four inch waist and sixpack abs. I think you can handle the cream." I got up and walked over to Michael and straddled his lap facing him, we still had on our bathrobes but had long since quit worrying about whether or not they were closed. "How about some coffee in the living room?"

Michael reached down and while gently cupping my balls looked up into my eyes. "How about some cock in the living room?"

"Nope I'm saving the cock for later, now it's coffee time." I got up and pulled him up. We poured a couple of mugs of coffee and walked into the living room. The fireplace was lit and I turned on some quiet music. The logs in the fireplace had burned down since Ralph had started them and Michael and I threw a couple more on, poking them until they lit.

We were cuddled together on the sofa with the only light coming from the fireplace and a small lamp in the corner of the room. Michael pointed at the piano and asked. "You play?"

"No, my mom does. I took lessons for years but don't remember a thing."

"Where's your mom live?"

"She's got a house in town but she goes to Florida in October and doesn't come back until May." I smiled at him. "Don't worry, she won't walk in. Since the whole gay thing became common knowledge she gives me a lotta space. She's gotten very close to my ex-wife, which of course gives her access to the kids."

Michael sat up a bit. "That's right, I forgot about the kids."

"They're trying to do the same with me."

Michael was leaning his head on his hand and put the other one on my chest. "How you dealin with that?" His eyes were echoing the flames in the fireplace.

I covered his hand with mine. "Not much I can do about it right now. It seems like everything that I try to do only makes things worse. So I'm just kinda laying back. I call them a couple of times a week and am mostly met with silence but I'm hoping that eventually they'll realize that I'm doing it because I do care. Anyway, right now I'm the asshole pervert that ruined their lives."

Michael put his hand on the side of my face and turned it to him. "That's not the guy I saw today. The guy I met today is a kind, smart, loving guy, not an asshole and sure as hell not a pervert." He smiled. "Okay, so maybe a little bit of a pervert." I gave him a dirty look. "Hey ya knew me for a half a day and you're taken a bath with me!"

"Well you shit!" I pushed Michael backwards so that he was lying on his back on the sofa. I climbed on top of him and pushed his arms back against the cushions. "Ya know it's not like you fought too hard to keep your clothes on!"

Michael was laughing. "You do realize that you're sitting with your naked butt on top of a dick that has been hard for the last three hours?"

I bent forward laying my chest on top of Michael's and my face next to his buried in his neck. "You saved me today............and I don't just mean because of the death of the boy. You brought something into my life that's never really been there. I thought that it was there with Janet but I know now that that was just something I hoped was there, it was never real." I pushed myself up so that I could look Michael in the eye. "But..............don't let me push you into something you don't want. I can do that sometimes. If you want to be just friends that's okay but I'm hoping it'll be more than that."

Michael pulled my face back down to his and kissed me and then rolled me off to the side so that we were lying face to face. He was rubbing the back of his knuckles over my chest.

He spoke very softly but firmly. "When I was a sophmore in college I was walking down the hall in the dorm one evening and it suddenly hit me that all those feelings that I had been having for men my whole life meant that I was a faggot. Not gay, because I didn't think in those terms then but a faggot. I went to bed and stayed there for two days.

I was afraid to be around other guys because maybe they'd know, so as soon as I could, I got an apartment off campus. During the day I went to school and was just a normal college guy and at night I would come home, eat and then take the gun that I bought outta my dresser, cock it and sit on the sofa watching TV with it in my lap, hoping to get up the guts to pull the trigger. I can remember that the mornings were the worst, when you're almost awake but not quite and you can't really feel anything yet and I'd think that maybe I had dreamt it and that I was really straight and then it would all come back to me in a wave, a sickening wave. Well, that went on for almost a year and then one day something just changed. I made the decision to live."

"Not that everything got better, because it didn't. I was still a self-imposed loner, because I didn't know if I could trust myself or anyone else. But somehow I made it through college and became a lawyer and then things got a bit easier. I was living in Chicago and working for the law firm that I had interned at and I even got the occasional blowjob. And when I say blowjob that's just what I mean, I didn't kiss because, I realize now that that would have been proof that I was gay and I sure as hell didn't reciprocate."

"Anyway, fast forward. Joel Callin, who I went to school with calls me outta the blue and asks me to come to Madison for an interview. Long story short, I get the job. So now I'm an attorney and I find that I've got a flair for M&A and Callin & Callin treat me pretty good but I'm still lonely as fuck. Then comes your divorce, biggest, messiest, divorce the state has ever seen and then one day I see you walking in to Mr. Callin's office and I think, damn that's a cute guy and he looks normal, nobody would know that guy was gay except for this shit. From then on I made it my business to find out when you might be coming into the office because every time I saw you it was like there was hope." Michael's eyes were glistening but his voice was firm. "Then comes today, Rosie calls the office and the call gets forwarded to me at home. She gives me the third degree for about five minutes and tells me to get my butt over to the hospital.........and well, the rest you know."

"So Jeff, this isn't something you're pushing me into," he touched my face with his finger tips, "this is my dream." Michael looked at me with a worried look. "God, don't tell me that all this shit has freaked you out!"

I kissed Michael quickly on the lips. "You're not freaking me out! What about your parents? You know about mine."

"I really didn't freak ya?"

"Nope. Okay, come on, parents, give!"

"Well, mom and dad are both alive and living in Chicago. They deal with my being gay by never, and I do mean never, ever, mentioning it. It's like it doesn't exist. As far as their concerned I'm a straight guy who's taking a break from sex, just waiting for the right girl to come along."

I rolled forward and kissed Michael lightly again. "Are you sure that we can rule that one out?"

Jeff pulled my head to his, laying his cheek against mine. "Michael, I've never had a sexual thought about a woman but I've had a hardon for at least half the time that I've spent with you this evening."

I gave Jeff a look and then slowly got up taking him with me. Never letting go of his hand, I flipped off the living room lights and pulled him with me to the bedroom. "You are staying tonight aren't you?"

"Well I.............you gotta promise me that you'll get me up early. I mean I can't go to work in jeans."

"You could probably wear my stuff. We're about the same size." Michael got a panicky look on his face. "Don't fucking worry! I'll get ya up."

I took off my bathrobe and dropped it on the end of the bed as I was walking to the other side. When I turned to get into bed Michael was staring at me with an odd look on his face. "What?"

"God you've got a beautiful butt."

I laughed. "Yours isn't bad either and I wouldn't mind you getting to know mine a lot better." Michael and I slid under the covers at the same time and met in the middle of the bed. We kinda slid into each other, entwining our legs and wrapping our arms around each other. Michaels head was resting on my right upper arm, we were kissing and moving our bodies against one another. I ran my left hand slowly down until it was on his lower back, I moved on to his butt and marveled at the smoothness.

Michael's mouth was working on my neck and he was having an incredible affect. The kisses, the small bites and long licks on my neck just below my ear were driving me crazy, my body twisting, seemingly of it's own accord in response to his mouth and tongue.

Michael worked his way in between my legs with his and I just naturally wrapped my legs around his waist. His tongue was down my throat and the tip of his cock kinda just naturally positioned itself at my asshole.

Michael had worked around to my ear and whispered. "I've never done this but I think that I really need to fuck you. I know, I know........maybe it's too soon but god I wanna be in you." His right hand was caressing my shoulder and neck while his mouth work on the other side.

I was almost gasping for breath. "Condoms, lube, in the nightstand." I took Michael's face in both of my hands. "Go slow! I've done this before but it's been a long time."

Michael kissed me hard. "I promise babe! Honest to god I won't hurt ya!"

He was kneeling between my legs with his cock sticking practically straight up and a happy puppy look on his face. I took the condom out of his hand and tore the foil open with my teeth. I looked up at him. "Never done this?"

Michael was practically quivering with excitement and the precum was really beginning to flow. "No, guys would ask me to but I guess I thought that it was too much of a commitment. And anyway I didn't think things could get much better than a blow job."

I scooped up some of his precum and rubbed it up and down his cock along with a little lube. "But now you want to?"

A shiver ran through his body as I rolled the condom down onto his cock. "God yes! I want you!"

"Michael, I want you to put your hands under my knees and push them back against my chest and I'll guide you in. But remember, slow!" He was slowly pushing my knees up and I guided his cock to my butt. I pushed out while he was pressing in and it hurt like hell for the first few seconds but once the head of his cock was in it got better quick.

My hands were on Michaels knees and he was responding well to my controlling him that way. As his cock began move into me and once I got past the pain I looked up at Michael and his eyes were closed and for just a split second I could see the little boy that he would have been years before, a look of perfect bliss on his face.

"A little deeper Michael. That's it." His balls were beginning to slap against my ass. "Oh fuck that's good! Harder!"

His eyes snapped open and he looked down at me. "It's okay? You're sure?"

"Oh fuck yes!" I raised my head and pulled him down so that we could kiss. "Oh man! Fuck my ass!"

Michael was becoming more aggressive as he gained confidence and now his dick was slamming into me, creating an unbelievable sensation. I reached down and started beating myself off. He reached down and cupping my face in his hands buried his tongue down my throat. "I'm getting close!"

"Cum inside me! I wanna know that you're shooting your load in me!

Michael made a little whimpering sound and then said. "Jeff, I'm fucking cumming! Oh fuck!" He straightened up, holding just my ankles and his body went rigid, his head flew backward and then forward, his chin on his chest.

I was whipping my cock and knowing that he was filling the condom in my ass with his cum brought me off just seconds after Michael came. Michael watched me shoot and then, tentatively at first, he reached out and started to spread my cum around my chest with his hands.

Finally Michael slowly pulled his cock out of my ass and sat back on his heels. He had a dazed, exhausted look on his face. My cum was on his hands and he stared at them and then rubbed the cum onto his chest. I reached into the nightstand for a towel and pulled the full condom off of his cock and wiped his dick and then his chest. He gently took the towel from me and lying next to me, wiped the cum off of my chest.

I rolled on my side to face him and I felt like we were really seeing each other for the first time. Michael looked different, relaxed, happy and something more.

He leaned forward a bit and put his right hand behind my neck and then bent and kissed me. "Thank you."

I smiled at him. "You're welcome."

His fingertips were moving over my face. "That's like the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Wanna do it again?"

He laughed. "I take it that you liked it?"

"Yeah I did. The last time that I got fucked it hurt like you wouldn't fuckin believe and the guy that was doing didn't give a damn about me. But this time............it was sooo different. Maybe just knowing that it was you." I kissed him. "This time it felt...........fucking incredible!"

Michael laid his head on my chest. "You're fucking incredible!"

I reached over and turned the light off. "We probably should take a shower but fuck it." I turned on my left side pulling Michael with me so that he was spooning me. My head was on his upper arm and his right arm held me to him. I covered it with my own.


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